6-3-2006       Crossing the Russian Border

It rained hard during the night.  The rain cover for the tent has a few small holes, one of which always seems to end up over my face.  Just like every night, I slept for about half of the time that I had my eyes closed.  This is mostly because I am paranoid about people stealing my bike, or the possibility of corrupt officials stumbling upon a “jackpot” of three Americans camping in the woods off a main road.  We wake up around 7:00…I think (I’m not even sure what time zone we are in at this point).  We are only a short ride from the Russian border.  I kept thinking, if they don’t let us in at this border we might not have enough time on our visas to cross the country.  From the stories we had heard about the Ukraine/Russian border this seemed like a realistic fear. 

There were very few cars at the border when we arrived and they tended to us right away.  While filling out some forms, they took Rodger aside.  I huge 6 foot 5 inch bear of a Russian man started to hassle him for money.  I watched through the window in the front of the room as the man’s hand gestures became more exaggerated and he became mad.  Rodger choose to go with the “puppy dog” approach to bribe avoidance.  This was a gamble on the idea that this big man had a soft side.   Rodger opened his wallet.  The official reached in and snatched the $30 he had left inside (the rest was hidden in various spots on his body).   Rodger said “Hotel Money” in a sad voice with hunched over posture.  After some delay he gave the money back.  I couldn’t believe it…well played Rodger!  Too easy, we thought. 

We spoke too soon.  It turns out that this was a 5 stage border crossing and we still had four more hours ahead of us.   By the fourth check point I was beginning to get annoyed.  Two women escorted me into a room away from the road and away from the other guys.  I tried to keep the mood as light as possible by smiling and throwing out some poorly spoken Russian with accompanying hand gestures.  I thought it was working by their giggles.  Then, a man in full urban camouflage walked in carrying a semiautomatic rifle.  He picked up a chair and turned it facing me.  He sat down without saying a word and placed the butt of his gun on the ground between his legs.  I knew what was coming.  Another man walked in and shut the door behind him.  I noticed the women’s eyes immediately hit the floor.  The man knew the english word "money" and used it frequently.  I played dumb for the first few minutes, pretending not to know what he wanted.  This was my usual strategy that I used in the Ukraine.  Just start speaking english….about anything.  I remembered back to just a few days before, I was sitting in the back of a police car in the Ukraine while the two cops in the front seat tried to tell me how many dollars I should give them.  I just started talking.  They didn’t understand a word of English so I talked about whatever popped into my head.  I talked about the domestication of the dog, and when it is most appropriate to place a stent for a patient with atherosclerosis.  Eventually, they gave up and let me go.  It worked then, so I should have probably have tried it again.  But at this point at the Russian border I was too frustrated.  The idea of a bribe just makes me ill.  It’s the principle of it.  When he finally took a break from screaming to breathe, I got in some words.  “ When you yell, it doesn’t help me understand Russian”   He didn’t get the point.  Finally, I picked up the piece of paper that he was illegally trying to make me pay for.  “Green card...Money.  This. No money!”  I didn’t know what to expect.  There was silence.  He turned his back to me as he sighed and waved me out.  They pulled in Andrew next and the cycle continued.

 -J.

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